Literature

Literature: Writings in which expression and form, in connection with ideas of permanent and universal interest, are characteristic or essential features, as poetry, novels, history, biography, and essays.

To me, literature is the stuff Shakespeare wrote. Old boring books also fall under "literature" in my mind, though I don't find Shakespeare boring.

Anyways, I used to work at a gym. Peple would come in to inquire about membership rates and things of that sort. On their way out, they would ask for literature they can take home with them. I always wanted to answer with "I don't think Shakespeare wrote anything about the YMCA in Montgomery Village, but I do have a PAMPHLET for you cockface." I mean why the F would you ask for "literature." You can ask for written information, a packet, a booklet, a paper, etc., but "literature"??? Why??? It doesn't make you sound intelligent, it makes you sound like somebody that will have no success in the gym. Literature...get the F out of here.

I voted for Obama today and he won the Maryland primary. Do you think it's a coincidence that I made my endorsement public this morning and he won tonight? I think not. I am pretty much taking credit for his sweep of the Potomac...people love me.